Tuesday, November 29, 2011

My Little Helper

I am sitting in the computer chair waiting for Liam to come back. We have been playing a game together while Austin sleeps and Josh is at basketball. We took a break so Liam could get his jammies on.

It is taking a bit longer than normal for him to get his jammies on. I call back to him and can't hear his response. I am assuming it has to do with him needing just a minute to finish.

I am not entirely present because I am not feeling well. My body aches, throat hurts, head hurts and is fuzzy and I just want to curl up under a warm blanket to sleep. But my oldest has desired to snuggle and play with me. He knows I am not feeling well, so he doesn't ask for anything to challenging.

I call back to him again because he still has not come back to play the game.

"Mom, the dryer is done, so I'm trying to take the dry stuff out and put the wet stuff in and put the dirty stuff in."

My heart melts. All feelings of sickness have gone.

He knows I have been doing laundry today and he wanted to help. He was wanting to switch the loads of laundry for me. We do it together.

Then I pull him onto my lap (despite the aching legs) and finish our game.

I am joining Heather at EO: Just Write

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Itch

I start to feel the itch. I am struggling with whether to push it away or just go with it.

Last week was a crazy week and to begin the week, AJ had gotten his immunizations. And every mom knows that the first day or so after the shots, your baby a lot of times just needs you. This is how Austin was. So I let the laundry, dishes and other household things slide. Plus there were errands outside of the house that needed to be tackled as well. But I pushed those off for awhile as well.

My baby needed me, so I just focused on him.

The week started to go by and I got some things done, but not nearly what I had wanted to get done.

The weekend went by and I knew I had the beginning of this week to catch up some.

But then Austin starts having horrible sleeping times at night. Which, of course, means that I have horrible times sleeping at night too. So I am exhausted and have no energy.

This is where I am at this week. The itch is that there are things that need to get done and I know need to get done. But I am tired, so I curl on the couch to nap with Austin after Liam heads off to school on the bus.

I have to keep reminding myself of the fact that it is not about the things that I do that makes me worthwhile and such, but who I am that makes that so. I don't become less worthwhile one week because I had to focus on my child(ren) and couldn't get some of the housework/errands done and more worthwhile the next week because I can get those things done. It doesn't work that way.

I need to be able to be a good wife, mom and woman. In order to do this, I do need to be rested.

I am following Heather at EO: Just Write

Friday, November 18, 2011

Don't Wait For Tomorrow

I don't have a really good picture of my mother-in-law, otherwise, I would put it here. Why? Because today she has been gone for 1 year.

It was first thing in the morning when I got a phone call from my husband telling me that his mom had passed away early that morning. We had both known that she would probably not live a very long life, but we never expected for her to be taken at 51 years old.

One of the hardest things for me? I was 6 weeks pregnant and Candy never knew that she was going to have another grandchild. You see, we were waiting to tell everyone at Thanksgiving, which happened to be the very next Thursday.

I still to this day get choked up thinking about the fact that I never got to tell her about the pregnancy, talk with her about it, see the excitement on her face when we told her it was a boy, talk with her about how Josh was when he was a baby and see the love that we all knew she had for her children and grandchildren.

I didn't get to know her as well as I would have liked, but then I had only known her for 2 years before she died. Candy was not perfect, of course. She definitely had her flaws. However, now that I am on the other side of the fence, I would rather have her and her flaws than not have her at all.

I tell you all of this for two reasons.

1. Writing is often times how I deal with my grief. Everyone deals with things differently and this just happens to be one way that helps me deal with my pain.

2. There is never enough time to talk to, love on, share things/stories with and enjoy those that you love. So don't wait to do it tomorrow. Don't think you have enough time to get what you need or tell them you love them. Do it now. You never want to be left wondering.

Just remember, even though everyone is not perfect and they have their flaws, I am sure you would much rather have that person and their flaws then to never have them again. It may not have always been easy with my mother-in-law, but she loved her kids, grand kids and she loved me like I was her own daughter.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Pumpkin Muffins

Don't these look delicious?!

I haven't been able to try them yet because they literally just came out of the oven. But I did taste the batter and that was definitely good! :o)

I have been wanting to cook and bake more. So over the weekend, I got a few of my mom's and grandma's recipes. I had also said that I would like to attempt the pies for Thanksgiving this year. Mind you, I have NEVER made a pie before. Cakes, cupcakes, brownies, muffins and other things, yes. But never a pie! So I made one last weekend as a trial run - it was completely devoured! Yay! My husband even had two pieces :o)

So that sparked my confidence a bit to stretch out and try other things. The pumpkin muffins are the first. But I have a lasagna, pumpkin cheesecake and a few other recipes that I am anxious to try! I will let you know how they come!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I am sure everyone has heard that a lot of how we parent is by what we know, how we were parented and our experiences.

Well, I don't like one big thing about how I parent. Often times, when I get frustrated, stressed, tired, etc etc, I yell. I do not in any way, shape or form like yelling. I have really tried to not get frustrated as easily, which helps not yelling. But I still do it.

This stems from my dad. That's what he did when we were growing up - he yelled. And I am not saying he is wrong in how he parented us - he's a wonderful father and I couldn't ask for anyone better!

I am just not ok with yelling. I see what it does to my boy and it crushes him. There are times when I feel like it's the only way to get through to him, but there has to be another way.

Yesterday morning he and I had quite a morning. He was arguing with me, disrespecting me and not listening to me. All from 7 am until we left for the bus at 8! I did not yell, but I raised my voice. I really could have reacted differently to the whole situation.

So Josh got home from work and stayed with the littlest, so I could pick up Liam alone. We took a little bit and I apologized for the way I reacted. He very quickly apologized back for acting the way he did. He knew he was still going to have consequences for his actions, but he also knew that I loved him very much and that had not changed.

So I am trying to find the time to sit down with Liam to ask him to pray for me.

Pray that I stop yelling.

Pray that when I do, because I will I'm sure - I am human, that he will forgive me.

Pray that frustrations will roll off my back.

I know a lot of these things have happened because of Austin getting here. When you have little sleep and are exhausted, things seem larger and worse than they really are. So maybe this is the best time for Liam to be praying for and with me.

He prays every night when he goes to bed that he will listen and respect better, so why shouldn't I pray every night that I will stop yelling?  And...I can get some help by having others pray that too.

I am joining Heather at EO: Just Write

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Pumpkin Time!

With my favorite season well underway, it was time for my guys and me to head to the pumpkin patch. Everything that we do as a family annually has even more meaning with the addition of AJ to our lives. We now have 2 boys, 2 kids, 2 loves and 2 lives that are precious to us and add so much joy!

Last year when we went to the pumpkin patch, we went on a hayride out to the field and got to pick our own pumpkins. We really enjoyed that - so did Liam! We weren't sure how well that would work out this year.

The weekend we chose to go couldn't have been better, we had out Indian Summer - so amazing weather! We all got out of the car and I grabbed the camera. Before we did anything, we saw a tractor and trailer getting loaded for the hayride out to the field. We thought we would give it a try, so we all climbed aboard. Austin was snuggled in Daddy's arms and Liam was next to me just chattering away.

When the tractor stopped, we wandered and found the perfect pumpkins - one for Liam and one for Austin. We loaded them onto the trailer and waited for all the others to finish.

We paid for our orange decorations and headed off to have some fun. They have mazes, big wooden trucks and trains and a "haunted bus" to play in.

Lots of pictures were taken, giggles were shared and memories made!

My favorite time of year is truly here!

Oh The Conversations!

The boys are in the back of the car as we are running errands. Liam has fall break, so I get to enjoy my oldest all day! I have missed all the helpful things he does when we run errands; unlock and open the car doors, start the car and many other things. I have also missed the random conversations we have.

Like today!

In between stores, AJ is sleeping during the car ride while Liam and I are listening to music.

"Excuse me!" comes from the backseat.

"I guess!" I say in response - it's a family joke/response :o)

"Don't worry, mom, it doesn't smell."

I have to process this for a second to get that he had just passed gas and was telling me it didn't have an odor. I start laughing.

"When I farted, the button on my pants popped open!"

That's when I lost it and burst out laughing. Liam begins to laugh as well. (I am also giggling as I rewrite this conversation!)

This is where I realize how much I miss these times. And the silly conversations that come with! :o)

What Ifs and Hows

I should be sleeping, but I'm not.

I should be calm, but I'm not.

Tears of exhaustion and frustration are welling up in my eyes and spilling onto my cheeks. My mind is racing with all the what ifs and hows.

My youngest is refusing to sleep for any length of time tonight that would be considered a restful amount. It has been almost 3 hours since I started out bedtime. I finally got him to sleep after quite a battle. I moved him to his bed - no problem. My head hit the pillow and he is awake screaming.

Back in his swing he goes. I am too tired and sore to hold my 20 lb almost 4 month old. He protests and cries, but falls asleep.

But I can't.

All I think about is how I know he needs to not have a nap after 7 pm so he goes to bed easier. But how do you do that when he has been awake since 6 pm and just cries because he's tired. And if he takes a nap he is only out for 30 minutes but that means he is up for another 2-3 hours. I think about how to make a schedule for him. But if I make a schedule, what if he's still too young.

Was it like this with Liam? Am I being too lax on getting more of a routine?

My mind slows and thoughts start to fade. Maybe sleep will come.

I am joining Heather at EO: Just Write